Surefire Ways to Get the Boot

There’s nothing like getting wasted and grinding on your girl while swinging her bra around your head… ’til you see the flashlight in your face and feel a bouncer’s arm around your neck. People watch in disgust as cabs drive by you in that puke-stained shirt.  It has happened to the best of us, so here is what to avoid!

Underage Drinking

This is a no-brainer! What? The big “X” on your hand didn’t tip you off?

Though there are plenty of under 21 nightclubs in DC, save the drinking until your 21. Your waistline will thank you, and so will security.

If you must drink pre-21, hop the border to our neighbors in Mexico or Canada and enjoy the hangover!

The Runaway

Somewhere between the bar and the front door must lay the Bermuda Triangle.Why people guzzle down drinks then disappear without paying is a mystery.

It’s the same as walking into the mall and walking out with unpaid merchandise.Maybe a security tab stapled onto guest’s nuts would keep them from walking out.

Touching the Dancers

Look, but don’t touch!

Dancers like DC nightlife’s Glow Girls are there to get you dancing, not to get you off. Think of it like a zoo animal and keep your fingers out of the cage.

Sloppy Drunks

It can be hard with so many drink specials, but drinking past your limit is dangerous to your health and more importantly annoying to everyone.

Stumbling around like a drunken buffoon just leads to fights, messy puking and the risk of a DUI!

Fighting

Can’t we all just get along?

Alcohol + the typical macho douche bag =unnecessary brawls

Why get thrown out of the club and into a cop car?

Frisky Business

Save the aggressive PDA for your mom’s basement.  Removing articles of clothing and/or humping like dogs in heat in the middle of the dance floor is gross.

Two thumbs up for your exhibitionist spirit, but it’s better suited for soft-core porn than a public place.

Geysers

Keep a lid on your bodily fluids.

Can’t hold it in? Try an adult diaper.

Throwing up is so High School! Know your limit!

Save the spitting for the baseball diamond and if the unspeakable  is your issue, there is a nice room waiting at Shady Pines Retirement Village.

Inventive Weaponry

Carrying a weapon will make sure you do not enter the nightclub, though in the heat of an alcohol fueled rage clubbers creative senses may heighten.

Your new stiletto heels= Blunt Force Object

Hairspray= Easy mace in a pinch

                    That pic sticking out from your fro= Knife Fight

Disrespecting the Bouncer

Sometimes bouncers will give you a warning before kicking you to the curb.

This is your one chance to redeem yourself.

No need to dig your own grave by fighting with the bouncer, he may be an escaped convict, a bounty hunter, a cop, or just bigger than you.

Grab Bag

Unwarranted grabbing at other guests is a sure fire way to get thrown out.

Would you grab someone at Starbucks or in passing on the street? NO!

If you would, you are probably already shunned from society or sharing a cell at the DC Correctional Institution.

Hot Pockets

Busy bartenders may not get a moment to immediately pick up their tips off the bar.

Helping yourself to their money, or trying to pawn off another customer’s tip as your own is a great way to piss off the bartender and be escorted out, sober, and alone.

Wrecking Ball

AVOID!!!

Throwing glassware

Jumping on furniture

Destroying club property

Though a common practice of rockstars in hotel rooms, or gorillas in a cage, throwing property is a no-no.

Passing Out

The pass out is akin to the narcoleptic. One moment, fine, the next…

“Yeah! Party! Woo Hoo, I love this….” THUMP!

You definitely don’t want this to be you, especially if you are wearing a dress.

Murder on the Dancefloor

Clubs can be very territorial.

Make sure not to over step your bounds and try to move in on the owner’s wife/girlfriend.

Castration may follow!

Some people come to a nightclub looking for trouble. Others can’t handle their liquor interact socially with others. No one likes to be asked or told to leave an establishment, especially when they paid to get in. If security has reminded the guest several times about their conduct, it will come as no surprise when they’re finally asked to leave. remember, what gets you thrown out may also get you in trouble with the law!