10 Ways to Know You are Too Old to be at the Club

By Peach in Lifestyle, washington dc guide, Whats hot in DC Nightlife
Thursday, December 12, 2013, 2:00pm. (Updated: 10/16/15 at 5:38pm) Add comments

Hey, you, old man river in the corner lurking at all the young girls with your ironed khakis and Hooters to go bag of leftovers! Or you, yeah you, cat women in the corner, I know you’ll be shocked by this article, even though your face is pulled too tight to emote emotion, but you, yes you, just may be too old for the nightclub.

Dun dun dun!!!! Shocker, but just like a caterpillar cocoons and flies upon butterfly wings to a new life, as Cro-Magnon man ultimately rises upward and sheds his fur, the club goer too must eventually, grow up, move on and find other nightlife activities, like civilized dinner parties where your Ann Taylor wrap dress or matching pant suit can be appreciated or Bingo night at the rec center.

old woman at club

No harm there! But there comes a time in every club kids life when you need to call it quits because guess what, nobody wants to dance next to the old dudes and saggy ladies from the leftover days of yore.

Look, we won’t leave you hanging out to dry trying to guess whether your rapidly approaching nightclub expiration date is overdue.  Here are some surefire tips on how to tell if it’s time to quit the club scene.


1.  You are first in line, first to go home, and of course you didn’t make it to the after party.
You definitely checked the clubs website, probably a month in advance to see the specials, the FAQ, the dress code.  In fact you probably studied the general lay out of the club in advance and where all the bathrooms and emergency exits are located.  For all your research, you know exactly what time the club opens and will be there 15 minutes early to ensure you are first in line.  But, long before midnight, you will be yawning, checking your watch and hurrying back to suburbia to make it to McDonald’s before they close.

2.  You have to get a babysitter

babysitterUnless you were 16 and pregnant, if you have kids it probably a good idea to give up the club life.  Having to schedule a babysitter to hit the club scene means you have kids, so you should probably go home and take care of them.  What babysitter wants to babysit until 3am, oh that’s right you can’t make it past midnight anyway.


3.  Nobody IDs you

ID CheckYou’re in line for the door, which is already testing your patience. The last time you stood in line was at Starbucks to get your daily double mocha whatever on the way to your doubly mind numbing day job. As you watch the bouncer carefully card each guest as they enter, you reach for your giant wallet, you know, the kind that can hold a checkbook. Your turn finally comes, the bouncer looks at you as you reach for your ID they say- “No ma’am or sir go right ahead.”  No ID check, and did he just call me ma’am?

4.  You can’t believe they don’t serve food

Hungry ClubNo cheese plate with my wine? But the sign said ‘Hungry Club’! First off, if you’re ordering wine in a nightclub, that should be your first indicator to go home and enjoy a rousing game of Jenga- but nightclubs are about the music, the drinking, the dancing, the hooking up not shoving an onion blossom in your mouth and toe tapping along to your light hits from the 80s and 90s.  I’m sure there is a Chili’s or TGI Fridays down the street from your home in the burbs.  You know the place where you park your Volvo and go on bi-weekly Costco runs.


5.  Can’t believe the prices

Club ReceiptIf you didn’t already faint at the price of admission, you’re for sure going to freak out when you order your first drink. $12? What I only ordered one drink. When I used to go clubbing (who says ‘go clubbing’? see next entry) drinks only cost $6 as you make the bartender and everyone around you pissed off as you have your mini meltdown- time for that St. Johns Wort herbal supplement pack you brought in your oversized purse.  Hey, at least you probably have a job and can afford the $12 as opposed to your younger club counterparts who are maxing out their credit cards.

6.  Your lingo is out of date- Molly who?

Have you seen mollyIf you like to ‘party like a rock star’, ‘get jiggy with it’, or want to smoke some ‘grass’ or ‘go clubbing’ or perhaps engage in a ‘tab of ecstasy’ (drug use is not endorsed by us) you’re probably a decade or four past your prime. In fact, you could probably ask your teenage children what all the ‘cool kids’ are ‘rapping’ about these days and at least get your slang up to date. Geezer! Go have a ‘soda pop’.

7.  Why do you have to buy a bottle just to sit down?

Bottle ServiceBottle service is entirely lost on you.  Why would I buy a bottle for $300 when I can get a bottle for $30 at the local liquor store? Why do I have to pay just to sit down? Because, it’s a status thing, the kids get it.  You buy a table; you get a table, a place to sit, a hot cocktail waitress and the ability to look down at all the “others” on the general dance floor- la di da I can afford a table! Dance Monkeys!

8.  You’ve been to the same club over and over…

UltrabarIf you find yourself at Ultrabar and are in line telling your friend you used to come here back in the day when it was called Home Nightclub or even farther back when it was… You’ve seen it through more renovations than your own home. Which reminds you to go look at paint samples for your kitchen remodel. Then, you’ve seen far too many generations of this establishment.  On to the Moose Lodge saddle bags!

9.  Complain about the music

#9Everything is too loud, too heavy and too crazy for you.  You ask for earplugs and have to reach for your legally prescribed migraine meds.  Then you are abhorred when some hooligan kid’s dilated pupils are eyeing your prescription bottle.  You’re getting out of here fast, in fact you may even be tempted to call management in the morning and alert them of possible drug activity in their establishment. “Shit hole!” you may silently murmur under your breath as your cheeks turn red from your reckless abandon of using a curse word out loud.

10.  You feel like shit the next day and have to call out of work
You just can’t hang like you used to. Back in the day, you could party all night long. In fact your night didn’t start until midnight.  You’d hit after party, after, after party and still make it to work the next day (if you even had a job) bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to go at it all over again the next night.  Now, you wake up feeling like a ton of bricks, grasping for the Gatorade and Tylenol and swearing you got drugged by someone and claiming you used to ‘party like a rock star’.  You call out of work saying you have food poisoning.

 Passed Out Guy

So go have your fun, be an over aged clubber if you got the balls (even if they are hanging low these days) own it.  But remember, normal people your age, are having families and growing out of their club haze. You’re just floating behind the curve while you’re reproductive organs rot, but join the club, where all are welcome.



Glow pres. New Year’s Eve 2014 in Washington, DC

Eric Prydz

Matt Goldman

Tuesday December 31, 2013
Doors at 8PM. No dress code. Ages 18+
Bottle Service at tables@echostage.com or 202.503.2330

Echostage • 2135 Queens Chapel Road NE • Washington, DC

Tickets on sale Tuesday 10.22 at Noon

club glow echostage tickets
Eric Prdyz NYE

Echostage has hosted a massive lineup in its first year. Launching at number 38 (number 4 in the US) in the DJ Mag top 100 club chart, there’s a lot to celebrate. From Above and Beyond to Tiesto, even 2 Chainz with a special performance by 50 Cent, one thing is for certain: Echostage knows how to party.

One of the most highly regarded artists in dance music, Eric Prydz is set to grace Echostage’s massive stage for the first time at a special New Year’s Eve performance December 31, 2013. Massive sounds at a massive venue, don’t miss one unforgettable night.


Eric Prydz Tracks:

New Year's Eve 2014 at Ultrabar

By Garrett Blakeman in DC Events, DC Nightlife, Whats hot in DC Nightlife
Sunday, December 1, 2013, 11:19pm. (Updated: 1/02/14 at 12:30am) Add comments

club glow echostage tickets

New Years Eve DC at UltrabarNew Years Eve DC at UltrabarPanorama Productions and Ultrabar present:

New Year’s Eve 2014

Ultrabar Nightclub
911 F Street NW
Washington, DC

  • 6 Bars, 5 Levels, 4 DJs
  • VIP tables on every level
  • Bookings at 202.638.4663
    (complimentary champagne w/ advanced bookings)
  • NYE is a 21+ event
  • Doors at 8PM
  • Dress Code in Effect
Table/VIP Pricing:
  • Main Floor (Top 40): $1,000
  • Chroma (Hip Hop): $800
  • Bedroom (Mashups, Top 40): $600
  • Mezzanine (Top 40): $800
  • Vault – Basement (Dance): $400
General Admission:
Bar Specials:
  • Open Bar 8PM – 9PM
  • House Champagne: $50
  • Moet Champagne: $80

We’ll be ringing in the new year with an all out affair at Ultrabar. Widely known as Washington DC’s #1 party club, Ultrabar has the space, music variety and overall vibe built for a serious New Year’s extravaganza. Come for a good time, a live countdown at midnight, all kinds of music, but most of all come to get absolutely wild for NYE 2014. Get your tickets now or get stuck waiting in line outside.

For tables call 202.638.4663 | For GA tickets visit www.wantickets.com/ultranye14

11 Things That Suck About Taking The Metro

By Ally in Lifestyle, Whats hot in DC Nightlife
Tuesday, September 24, 2013, 6:21pm. (Updated: 10/28/13 at 1:24pm) Add comments

I love DC, but commuting can be a real bitch sometimes. Here are the things about the metro that drive DC residents and commuters crazy:

1.  People who walk slow on the escalators when you’re in a hurry.

slow people

2. When you are on your way to work (or anywhere for that matter) and you see this sign:


3. When you are forced to use the metro on a holiday or after a large event and it looks like this:


4. People who bring bikes on the car and do this:


5. Pole-leaners. *shudder*


6. People who don’t put enough money on their SmartTrip or deactivate it and cause a line during rush hour.

7. Drunk people coming home from the bar/club, when they do things like this:


Although sometimes this can be amusing.

8. Couples on crowded trains who do this:


9. People who travel with things like this:


Seriously, what is that?

10. When this happens:


11. Sometimes there are idiots who decide to do things like this:


You might as well call out of work now and find a good place to sit because you’re never getting out of that station.

Essentially, taking the metro makes me feel like this sometimes:


All images taken from Google.


Editor’s note: if we had a “What’s Not Hot in DC Nightlife” category this would go there. The only hot thing about the metro is waiting on the platform in the summer.

DC Promoter Goes Outside the Box with 'Rendezvous'

By Ravi in dc bars, DC Events, Whats hot in DC Nightlife
Wednesday, September 18, 2013, 10:04pm. (Updated: 10/24/13 at 5:48pm) Add comments

The Competition Will Always Be There

washington dc concert spaces

A view from the prime real estate at NE DC’s year-old Echostage concert venue. It was voted #4 club in America in the 2013 DJ Magazine Top 100 Clubs poll.

Whether you’re into DC bars, lounges or clubs, one thing is clear: They’re all competing to show you a good time. From the no-frills bars on H street and upscale lounges of K, to the variety on U street and reckless EDM nights at Glow; DC is home to a wide range of independent and ‘corporate’ night life businesses.

Most venues and promoters work against each other.

Partnerships do exist, but generally it’s because of shared ownership somewhere. Panorama Productions (Ultrabar, Echostage, Glow, Barcode, Josephine) is trying something different.

Starting this Fall, Panorama will host ‘Rendezvous,’ a monthly affair that brings the competition together. Every month will feature Panorama promoting a new venue. It gives people a fresh experience and hopefully, a different take on the many options available in America’s #3 happiest place for young professionals.

This first installment happens Wednesday 10/2 on the Midtown rooftop.

The Midtown Partyplex is a DuPont Circle favorite, featuring multiple floors and tons of singles. With fall weather quickly approaching, there won’t be many rooftop nights left. Break up the week and join Panorama Productions as they go outside the box and inside a new location 1 night/month.

Click on the flyer for details.

best dc clubs

Midtown is a part of the Michael Romeo Group, owners/operators of Midtown/Midtown Loft, Dirty Martini/Dirty Bar, Tattoo, Lotus and the recently-closed Fur Nightclub. There is also talk of a new venue TBA in the near future.

6 Apps Everyone In DC Needs

By Ally in Lifestyle, washington dc guide, Whats hot in DC Nightlife
Monday, September 2, 2013, 9:25pm. (Updated: 10/30/13 at 7:08pm) Add comments

Lost in DC and a world full of useless apps? Here are some you just can’t pass up.

washington dc taxi credit card

Any DC cabs that have not applied for a credit card sales system by August 15th will be subject to impound on September 1st. So basically, DC cabs will take credit cards this fall!

Beating the Heat in DC

By Garrett Blakeman in Lifestyle, washington DC Entertainment, Whats hot in DC Nightlife
Thursday, July 25, 2013, 6:36pm. (Updated: 7/25/13 at 6:40pm) Add comments

You’re probably sweating right now, it’s hot in DC! Sit back and relax, here are some ideas to keep your cool.

Why Trap Is The Next Big Thing

By Carmen in Whats hot in DC Nightlife
Friday, July 19, 2013, 12:10pm. (Updated: 7/26/13 at 5:42am) Add comments

If you haven’t heard of this incredible music genre yet then you better pay attention!


The man who coined the iconic phrase “I’m rich bitch!” If you ever saw Dave Chappelle’s iconic Comedy Central show then you know who Ashy Larry is.

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