Why Valentine’s Day is the Most Annoying Holiday

By Peach in Get in Style, Lifestyle
Wednesday, February 12, 2014, 1:11am. (Updated: 2/24/14 at 11:22am) Add comments

Valentine’s Day is one of those BS holidays. Stay with me here, you love drunken fools. It’s a sick way of gobbling candy hearts under a fake cloud of forced romance. What is so romantic about this holiday anyways? Didn’t it all start back in the day with some fat kid shooting people with poisoned arrows? True story. Today when this happens, it’s a roofie that shady looking dude slipped you and he’d be arrested. So, whether you are coupled up in love or single and miserable, Valentine’s Day sucks and here’s why.

Anti Valentine’s Day Party

Anti Valentine's Day PartyThis is about as original as a white party. But, remember those awesome high school slow dances? Well those are over with, now the only dancing you get to do is twerking and convulsing, too bad Prom was the closest you’ll get to a romantic slow dance again. So, we can’t blame nightclubs for trying, it’s Valentine’s Day, so couples are dining and getting busy and singles are crying in a tub of ice cream. So in an effort to drag all the lonely hearts out of their den of depression, the anti- Valentine’s Day party emerged. Break out the voodoo dolls and tequila! So now you are single and hung over congrats!

The Social Media Present Parade

The Social Media Present Parade

Girls really have some of the most annoying Facebook habits- babies, pets, and duck faces. We girls really are not helping ourselves here, but nothing is quite as annoying as the present posts. ‘Oh look at my new Louie Vuitton bag’, ‘baby got me the cutest new Juicy jumpsuit’, ‘oh isn’t my boo just the bestest’ – BARF! All this really says about you is you’re easy. A little Valentine’s Day gift was all it took to erase the year of your boy’s bad behavior- and I’m sure you deserve something better than a purse, probably more like a car- sucker!

Engagement Rings

Engagement Rings

Nothing is less original than a Valentine’s Day proposal. Bet she didn’t see that one coming. Let me guess, next year you are going to have your wedding on Valentine’s Day and ruin it for all your guests when they are forced to celebrate your love and not their own- selfish much?!?! Now let’s see that engagement ring #### posted a million times- ugh! P.S. have you noticed girls usually are in desperate need a manicure and overlook this while in post ring bliss!

Restaurant Impossible

Restaurant ImpossibleIf you have not planned ahead, good luck finding a reservation at a nice restaurant. You’ll probably be stuck at Applebee’s, if you’re lucky, but at least there you can wear sweatpants and nobody will bat an eye. Even if you book a nice place, you’ll probably be stuck with a pre fixe meal, that’s right, chicken or fish, just like shitty wedding food options but at a premium cost. Then you’re definitely going to be surrounded by a bunch of sappy ass couples and broken hearted, pissed off wait staff.

The Valentine’s Day Conspiracy Theory

Valentine's Day Conspiracy TheoryWe welcome you to be as cynical as you want this Valentine’s Day. Just be original. That whole – ‘Valentine’s Day is a fake holiday made up by Hallmark to get rich’ excuse is tired. Don’t be bitter because you didn’t think of it first. You know if you weren’t so boring in your sarcasm maybe you’d have a significant other and you’d probably be first in line at Hallmark.

Love Coupons

Love Coupons

What a horrible gift! This screams cheap! Sorry, but I know a free coupon for a massage from your lover, or a coupon for him to take out the trash, was definitely not on your list. Hey I’m broke and forgot about Valentine’s Day until this morning and this is all I could come up with. Homemade gifts can be nice, but let’s face it, maybe a coupon for things like hugs and sexual favors, things you should be doing anyway, makes zero sense. You should just break up now or you’re in for a lifetime of crappy gifts.

Singing Telegrams

Singing TelegramsIf you want me to break up with you, send me a singing telegram. Nothing would be more horribly embarrassing. If you are going to spend $150 on a singing chicken, please refrain, spend that money on something I can use, not flowers or candy either. Those gifts suck- here’s why-it’s takes zero imagination and is a waste of money. I can pick flowers for free and really a month after she made that New Year’s Eve resolution to lose weight, you’re going to make her get fat on cheap candy? Bravo, now she’s fat and pissed off.

The Sicko Lovey Dove Couples

The Sicko Lovey Dove CouplesThe worst part of Valentine’s Day is perhaps every other couple of course not you guys. Sure! Those lovey dove assholes are so annoying! Oh shmoopy poopy I love you! And who says, “I love you” over Facebook? You guys are probably sitting across the table from each other at dinner and you still need to post it to each other on Facebook. It’s just to make everyone else jealous and you know that’s true. Sure it’s only a matter of weeks before you are posting cryptic break up messages like- “You broke my heart but you will never break my spirit- you know who you are!”

Romantic Movie Marathons

domestic lifeWho are these all day love movie marathons for? Most couples are out at dinner or busy in the bedroom. So it’s a real evil trick playing love stories for all the singles that are stuck at home alone. Well played Lifetime, well played!

You’re the Biggest Loser

As Valentine’s Day approaches, you may start to panic if you’re single. Start trolling around Facebook for a last minute date, or maybe now is a good time to sign up for Match.com? If you catch yourself running back through all your exs, just stop. Rekindling a dead flame for one night of fake romance is not worth it. And if you’re on the other end of that search and are contacted out of the blue by a random or an ex, it’s probably best to hold off until after Valentine’s when you can go on living like the fierce independent soul you are without the guilt and shame of Valentine’s Day looming over you.

Worst Date Ever

10 Things Everyone is Sick of Seeing Posted on Facebook During a Snow Storm

By Peach in Get in Style, Lifestyle
Wednesday, January 29, 2014, 3:20pm. (Updated: 2/27/14 at 5:39pm) Add comments

the snow posts are coming

Snow sucks, winter sucks, blah blah blah…you know what sucks even more? -These annoying posts that litter Facebook and Twitter during these polar blasts.  Take a look at the top 10 things we are sick of seeing posted on social media, and then stop doing them. No really, enough is enough.

 

Miami VIceMiami Vice

It’s so annoying seeing the constant posts of people in the northeast leaving the snow for Miami.  We don’t know what is worse, being snowed in with cabin fever or having to actually leave the house, somehow get to the airport, deal with cancelled flights, possibly crash on the runway, and then do it all over again after your vacation is over.  Because let’s get real, you’re never leaving DC- here’s why with- Polar Blast Pushing People out of DC and the Northeast- FOREVER?

 

Weather StationWeather Stations

Hey guess what? We all have smart phones with the complimentary ‘Weather’ app.  No need to spread the misery around social media.  We all know it’s colder than a whore’s heart outside, thanks for the reminder.  This also doubles for the lucky ones in warmer climates who post their 70 and 80 degree temps.  There’s a special place in hell for them.

 

Submerged CarsSubmerged Cars

How many pictures do we want to see of your ride under a snowdrift?  The answer is none.  It’s depressing because it reminds of the emending doom of having to go dig our own cars out of the snow, and we’d prefer to stay inside and wait for spring to naturally melt the snow off for us.

 

Sloppy FoodSloppy Food

Everyone is posting food pictures.  Let’s get real; you’re no Chef Boyardee ok.  There’s a HUGE line between food porn pictures posted by trained chefs and whatever kind of beige slop you are concocting over there on your George Foreman grill.

 

Complaining about ClosingComplaining about Closings

Oh boo hoo, the gym, your favorite coffee shop or your favorite nightclub is closed. Really?  Just because you may live around the block, doesn’t mean the employees or owners do.  You should use this time to hunker down and enjoy some relaxing time at home or follow this guide for 7 Ways to Stay Warm during the Winter Storm.

Be thankful that there are less people on the roads because nobody needs to be killed on the way to work just so you can overload on caffeine.

 

California DreamingCalifornia Dreaming

West Coasters love to rub in their perfect year round weather in our faces especially during these polar snowstorms from hell.  Feel free to get back at them by posting pictures of the 1992 LA riots, the LA smog, or LA traffic to retaliate.

 


Snow SnobSnow Snob

“Where’s all the snow?” This is the obnoxious of all posts.  Oh you think you’re Jack Frost?  Just because Al Roker told you there would be a foot of snow and only a percentage of the predicted amount fell, it’s still snow and ice and it’s shitty and you’re stuck inside and freezing your ass off.  Stop being a snow snob, you’re not a weather man and any snow sucks, so sorry it’s not towering over your head, if you want more snow fall, move to Canada.

 

Driving in the SnowDriving in the Snow

Excuse me, didn’t you listen to Oprah?  There should be no texting while driving and certainly no picture taking.  Driving in the snow is already asking for trouble, then here you are with your fat gloved fingers trying to take ‘selfies’ or pictures of the snow and ice littered roads while you’re driving.  How was it not graduating with the rest of your high school class?

 

Pets in SnowPet Popsicle

Unless you have a Siberian Husky, I’m guessing your 5 pound tea cup Yorkie, though desperately adorable in that designer puffer jacket, shouldn’t be up to his head in snow.  How would you like to go out with no pants on and have your entire body in naked in the snow?  Shovel a small patch in the yard for your furry friend to do their business, put the camera down and get your poor pet back inside before the SPCA is at your door playing that damn Sarah McLaughlin song.

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Children

We all saw ‘The Christmas Story’.  Dressing your kids up in layer after layer and then making them pose for pictures.  This should be considered some sort of child abuse.  Back in the day before social media, kids only had to worry about the neighborhood seeing them dressed up like a marshmallow.  Now these poor tykes have to deal with their Facebook obsessed parents blasting their embarrassing pictures all over the Internet.  Just think, one day they will be an angst-ridden teenager and torture you- pay back’s a bitch!

Stay Puft Marshmallow Kids

11 Reasons Why You’d Never Leave DC!

So it’s cold as sh*t outside all over the Northeast, duh, it’s called winter.  Still, every Facebook post is whining about the cold weather, as if in utter shock.  OK, we hear you; it’s colder than we’d expect to get here in DC.  But isn’t everyone sick of reading the constant stream of temperature posts or here’s a popular post-

“F this weather, I’m moving to Miami!” 

Forbes did report that according to a long running study of moving van line data, the masses are in fact fleeing the Northeast for the South and West in general.   You know the one exception, Washington DC.  Boom!

So who thinks that anyone will really go through with this and is there any truth to it? Maybe, but we think you’re never going to leave DC and once the Cherry Blossoms arrive, you’ll forget all about the winter from hell.

Here’s why no silly winter storm will be enough you kick you out of your beloved city.

1.  You’re an Alcoholic

Drunkest City

It’s no secret, Washingtonians like their booze.  DC ranked 9th in a poll of the “Top 25 Drunkest Cities in the US” reported by the Daily Beast.  DC was also ranked #1 for “Drunkest Singles in America”.  But what are we to do? How else are we expected to keep warm in this weather? For some advice check out “7 Ways to Stay Warm During a Winter Storm”.

 

2.  Unemployed and Homeless is NOT a Winning Combo

Homeless PersonNowhere is the employment rate lower than in DC, with government jobs and good economic opportunities. Plus, DC attracts highly educated professionals, who have money- you know what that translates to- CHA CHING all you gold diggers! With all those people heading south and west job competition is staggering- just think of being a Crackle Barrel waitress when you have a PHD I bet that’s not quite what you had in mind, but at least when you’re homeless in the sunny states you’re not freezing- silver lining!

 

3.  Equal Rights

Equal rights for gay marriageSame-sex marriage in the District of Columbia was legalized on December 18, 2009. The District became the first jurisdiction in the United States below the Mason–Dixon Line to allow same-sex couples to marry.  If not, think of it this way, you need a green card, marry your best friend!

 

 

4.  You LOVE Living in the Nation’s Capital

DC is obviously THE political hub of the country.  You can protest, you can witness a presidential inauguration from your front porch, run into the President while your at Starbucks or hit up all the tourists attractions and monuments.  In Miami the closest you’ll get to a national landmark is South Beach.  So think less, history of America and more drug trafficking.

Washington Monument

5.  You Can’t Give Up that Preppy G-town Costume

#5What will you do with all your preppy Georgetown inspired fashion?  Nowhere does khakis, pastel colored dress shirts, Lacoste everything, bow ties and sear suckers quite like DC.  You may find yourself out of fashion next to the casual Southern and Western styles.

6.  Music is the Answer

EchostageWashington DC is a major player in the EDM scene.  There’s no DJ you can’t gain access to in DC with Echostage, Glow events.  So the whole fleeing for music scene, just doesn’t work anymore.  You’ll still have WMC, we won’t hold that against you.  Just check out the current Glow calendar of events.

 

7.  No habla espanol?

If you don’t know what that says, then don’t pack your bags just yet.  If you don’t speak Spanish life in Miami or many other Southern or Western cities will surely frustrate you.  Street signs double in English and Spanish.  An overwhelming amount of jobs require bilingual candidates and you’ll just feel left out.

I only speak english

8.  You’re a Pig

DC is a food lover’s paradise.  There’s everything from Celebrity Chef driven restaurants to food trucks on every corner.  If you move south get used to eating chitlins and ham hocks!

#8

9.  You’re a Redskins Fan

How would you explain being a Redskins fan. Redskins fans are pretty intense and the District is a pretty small place, so outside of it, you’d be a total outsider.  Those red and gold head to toe outfits won’t look so hot outside FedEx Field.

redskins

10.  Best Party Schools Ever

Party SchoolsBetween DC, Maryland and Virginia there’s no shortage of party schools, and well parties in general.  Maybe that’s why it’s the 9th drunkest city in the U.S. So how could you ever think of leaving these co-eds and keggers behind?  Check out “The Biggest Party Schools in the DC Area”.  And a big shout out goes to the University of Maryland who ranked 18 in “America’s Top Party Schools”.

 

11.  You’re Not a Senior Citizen

Follow a simple rhyme- “Do your balls/boobs hang low do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot can you tie them in a bow…” You’re not supposed to flee the cold until your retired.  Just ask the Golden Girls.  The sunny side is ideal for seniors, but if you’d rather pussy out and join Grandpa for a round of bocce ball than party it up in DC, that’s your call.  You’ll be sipping prune juice before the ice melts.

Senior citizens flip you off

So, try and hang in there, stay warm and don’t get the winter blues.  It’s a great time of year to fake the flu and get out of school or work.  There are no snow days in the sunshine.  Just the constant, crippling fear of a deadly Tsunami, a hurricane, an earthquake, or your entire state detaching from the rest of the country all together.  Fear should be setting in nicely now!

7 Ways to Stay Warm during the Winter Storm

By Ben Lek in Get in Style, Lifestyle
Sunday, January 5, 2014, 5:58am. (Updated: 1/29/14 at 3:24pm) Add comments

Next week the United States (especially the Midwest) will be facing one of the coldest Arctic outbreaks since the 1990’s. Men, prepare for major shrinkage, because Mother Nature is about to thoroughly embarrass us. The struggle to stay warm will be real next week. Really, really real.

weather

Here are some suggestions on how one could potentially keep themselves from suffering from hypothermia during these upcoming days.

frozen meme

 

 

Take an impromptu vacation:

Leave. Leave fast and don’t look back. Consider going to South America to discover yourself and find your spirit animal. Take a cruise to a deserted island and claim it as your own while raising your own army of monkeys with rocket launchers on their backs. Return when it warms up with said army of monkeys with rocket launchers on their backs and proceed with your plans of world domination.

vacation

monkey-shooting-gun

vacation-in-Belize-ca-VeJb

 

Sex:

Whether you’re taken or not, now is the time to use sex as an excuse to sweat and stay warm. Find a lady friend with little to no morals or standards that is willing to fellaish you. It’s a new year anyway, so people are totes trying to find that new special someone.

 

Fashion:

You now have an excuse to conjure up obscure outfits that will be acceptable given the weather conditions. Mix and match anything you can find that is warm. I am currently wearing 80’s leg warmers, because screw you it’s cold, that’s why.

jackets

randy-a-christmas-story

Here is a picture of me currently at work.

me

 

Stay away from kandi ravers:

Kandi ravers are an evolved form of humanoids that are impervious to the cold. They consistently insist that it is “not that cold” while they are half naked making snow angels and blasting some obscure DJ set they found on Soundcloud. Don’t feed into their lies that their superfluous amounts of kandi and PLUR give them superpowers that keep them warm. The cake is a lie.

rave girl

 

Drink:

It is no secret that drinking makes you feel warm. Whether it’s hot chocolate or hot chocolate with Baileys and Jameson use the cold as an excuse to get turnt and hungover. Just don’t drink and drive.

634901266676042827

 

The outdoors should be avoided at all costs:

This is an obvious one, but stock up on food and alcohol and stay indoors. Screw the hippies that want to take romantic nature walks in the park. Now you have a reason to be lazy and you should abuse it.

#whitepeople

 

Use your furry companion for help:

Your dog and cat love attention. Use that as leverage for living foot warmers. If you don’t have a cat or dog, create a distraction and steal a friend’s or neighbor’s.

ground-too-colddog wintercoldcatdog feet

 

So layer up and brace yourselves, because winter is definitely coming.

winter

weather-ice-storm-1jsgp4j

——-

Follow me on twitter: @BenLekEchostage

2013 Year in Review

By Ben Lek in Entertainment News, Get in Style, Lifestyle, Pop
Tuesday, December 31, 2013, 5:42pm. (Updated: 2/06/14 at 3:22pm) Add comments

2013 Year in Review

Today we mark the last day of 2013 and the beginning of everyone repeating that 2014 will be “their year.” Since I know you are currently avoiding getting ready for the night (otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this very line in parentheses), read my review of the year and reflect on how indubitably awkward things really became these past twelve months.

In no particular order let us recap the year MMXIII.

 

The Ravens won the Super Bowl:

The Baltimore Ravens somehow managed to win the Super Bowl, and Ray Lewis cried a lot. Just don’t mention that botched pass interference call, because the Baltimore fans will never admit that they basically got away with murder…

ray lewis 1

 

 

Justin Bieber took a well-needed break with two prostitutes lady friends:

The self-proclaimed “real n*gga” (he is white, by the way) decided his life of public vandalism, smoking weed, and banging hookers was too much to handle, so he handled it by banging two more hookers in Brazil. The douchebag really needs to just retire.

bieber

 

Justin Bieber retired:

Proof there is a God.bieber tweet

 

 

Miley Cyrus is a wrecking ball of awesome:

Twerking, getting naked, and singing with a cat launched Miley Cyrus into all of our hearts this year. Whether you love her or hate her doesn’t really matter since she finally showed her machines of war.

miley

miley 2

drake-reaction-miley-cyrus-vmas-2013-twitter

 

 

Drake proved that he is most definitely the softest in the game:

Drizzy somehow made himself even softer than he already was this year. You can’t really start from the bottom if you were born into a rather affluent half Jewish family in Canada of all places. I would tell Drake to kill himself, but he is probably reading this right now and writing me a letter explaining how I hurt his feelings.

drake depressed

drake wheel

drake spider man

 

 

Pope Francis proved why he should be the Pope:

I’m not religious, but Pope Francis definitely proved why he was a good choice for the new Pope throughout 2013. Check out some of the good deeds he did this year here.

POPE FRANCIS' GENERAL AUDIENCE

 

The Boston Marathon bombing:

In a tragic turn of events, there was a bombing during the Boston Marathon on April 15th. You can help out with relief efforts at here or here.

boston marathon

 

 

Selfies became an art form that needs to die:

…but it won’t.

doucheselfie-fail-2instagram-ruining-everything-selfie-21epic-selfie-walking-deadWPTV_Obama_Selfie_20131210122944_320_240lek

 

Duck Dynasty “shocked” everyone with homophobic comments:

Really guys? You are surprised that this guy made homophobic comments?

phil r

The next thing you’ll tell me is that the whole show is really a ploy and that the family really is not what you think it is…

beardless-Robertsons-490x367

Yes. This is before their beards.

before

 

Detroit filed for bankruptcy:

Here is Detroit before filing for bankruptcy.

robocop

And here is Detroit after filing for bankruptcy.

Detroit-600x402

 

 

Kate Upton happened:

…and it was awesome. kateupton

kate 1

kate-upton-dancing

katelolly_1695205a

 

 

A frog went to space:

frog

 

 

Paula Dean said the “N” word:

paula

 

 

Manti T’eo duped us all with an imaginary girlfriend:

teo

 

 

Prince William had a half-blood prince:

Voldemort now on high alert.

voldemort

 

Typhoon Haiyan devastated the Philippines and other parts of Southeast Asia:

Over 5000 fatalities are confirmed. You can help here and here

philippines-typhoon-haiyan-640x325

 

 

ObamaCare aka the Affordable Care Act was launched:

Which lead to…

US-POLITICS-OBAMA-P-TECH-SPEECH

 

 

The Government shut down for 16 days:

government shutdown

 

 

The Mayor of Toronto Rob Ford smoked crack and yolo’d all year:

…and nothing was done about it.

rob-ford-doesnt-care-meme

rob ford

 

 

Americans proved that Black Friday is the real life Hunger Games:

Ten people died shopping during Black Friday this year, proving that Americans will, in fact, do anything for a Klondike bar.

skeptical-3rd-world-kid-on-black-friday-meme

 

Anthony Weiner was caught sexting. Again:

Insert convenient last name joke here.

weiner

 

 

The Harlem Shake became a fad:

And it ended as quickly as it started, but not before the masses could take their stab at it.

 

 

Paul Walker tragically passed away in a car crash:

You can help his charity Reach Out Worldwide here.

paul walker

 

 

Kanye proved that he is the Yeesus of narcissism:

Parading around stage as Jesus. Claiming to be a God. Writing songs about gold diggers, but then getting one pregnant. Kanye was still as douchey as ever all year.

kanye-douche

 

 

Ed Snowden exposed the United States and claimed his title of master troll:

He is now the only white guy in Asia that cannot be found.

bad-luck-edward-snowden

 

 

The Walking Dead and Breaking Bad proved that we love our zombies and drugs:

Why isn’t anything happening? Something is definitely about to happen. Nothing happened. Okay. I will give it one more episode and if nothing happens then I am done with this show. Why isn’t anything happening? Something is definitely about to happen…

walter-white6

tdog

 

 

George Zimmerman was found innocent in the Treyvon Martin case:

Nope. I’m not touching this one.

Trayvon-Martin-George-Zimmerman-620x457

 

These tweets happened:

ku-xlarge

Screen Shot 2013-12-30 at 1.12.44 PM

 

And Grumpy Cat:

Grumpy-Cat-2014

 

So here is to the end of quite an interesting year, and the beginning of another. Stay safe tonight. Stay awesome.

———————

Follow me on Twitter: @BenLekEchostage

The ‘New’ New Year’s Resolution- Your New Year's Resolutions Made Easy

By Peach in Get in Style, Lifestyle
Tuesday, December 31, 2013, 2:25pm. (Updated: 1/07/14 at 8:32pm) Add comments
New Year's Resolution- Main Photo Option

10 News Year’s resolutions you can’t go wrong with!

It's The Day Before!!! Last Minute Gifts for Music Lovers

By Ravi in Get in Style, Lifestyle
Tuesday, December 24, 2013, 1:10am. (Updated: 12/24/13 at 8:10pm) Add comments
christmas headphones

Some last minute gifts you can buy the day before christmas for the music-lover in your life.

10 Ways to Know You are Too Old to be at the Club

By Peach in Lifestyle, washington dc guide, Whats hot in DC Nightlife
Thursday, December 12, 2013, 2:00pm. (Updated: 12/31/13 at 2:28pm) Add comments
old woman at club

Have gray hair? Complain about loud music? Can’t hang and then still feel hungover and terrible the next day? You might just be too old to go clubbing, find out here!

Proof That Models Are Not Real Humans

By Ravi in Get in Style, Lifestyle
Saturday, November 9, 2013, 5:49am. (Updated: 11/18/13 at 5:03pm) Add comments
fake model photoshop

The truth, in 37 seconds, behind how models are Photoshopped to look 8 bajillion times hotter than they really are.

Prostitutes are Beliebers

By Ben Lek in Entertainment News, Get in Style, Lifestyle, Music, Pop Music, Pop News
Monday, November 4, 2013, 5:19pm. (Updated: 11/25/13 at 3:28pm) Add comments

Justin Bieber yolo’d his way into the headlines yet again this past weekend in Brazil leaving a brothel with two prostitutes.

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