Mastering the Art of Rejection
We’ve all seen this situation before: average Joe walks into a DC Club and tries hitting on a girl. He wants to get her number and likely in her pants. Except she is not interested and doesn’t even give him the time of day.
So how exactly do you get rid of an unwanted guy without being a total b*tch?
This guide has all the answers and best excuses!
Probably the easiest excuse of them all, yet also very easy to forget.
Don’t have a boyfriend? No problem! Most losers will get the point.
If a guy doesn’t run for the hills after you drop this bomb, he’s gross.
Nothing is creepier than a guy with a fetish for pregnant women.
Pregnant is not sexy. If fat, swollen, and bitchy turns a guy on, he’s even more disgusting than you first thought.
To each his own!
It’s just that most guys will tuck their tails and run away if you suggest you’re packing a bigger member down there than they are.
AIDS (or any communicable disease)
The ONLY way this could possibly backfire is if he also shares the virus. In this case, then you’d ultimately be passing it back and forth.
In most cases this one is a go!
Then again… DC does have the highest HIV/AIDS rates amongst U.S. cities.
Fake Call App
There is a fake call application available for download on most SmartPhones.
This app allows users to select a time in the immediate future to have your phone ring.
Simply open the app as the undesirable approaches; your phone will ring, allowing you to make a flawless exit.
No response is sometimes the best way out.
Being deaf is like having a super power. You have your own secret language and rarely have to deal with harassing douches.
Plus, you can “accidentally” slap approachers as attempt sign language.
This one may turn on a select few, and that’s ok.
However, if you say your dyke-lesbian of a shemale partner is draining her lady lizard in the bathroom and will be back momentarily to beat your poacher’s ass, he will most likely make an early exit.
Escaped from the insane asylum
They say crazy attracts crazy, however it has its limits!
A reference to the insane asylum or your “crazy pills” should do the trick.
Underage and Your Dad is a Police Officer
Nothing kills the mood like statutory rape, especially when her daddy’s a po-po.
A cop-dropper is guaranteed to have stalkers running in the opposite direction.
Then again, he might just think you have a thing for handcuffs and nightsticks!
A Compulsive Hoarder
Few things are scarier than a compulsive hoarder.
If you have not fallen prey to Hoarders on A&E, you’re lucky. Not only are these pigs hoarding anything from dead cats to doll heads… they also seem to be hoarding things on their own bodies, like fat, moles and hair!
If the dude doesn’t run away with this excuse, you can look forward to a very happy life of collecting useless junk together.Tweet