Guys to Avoid at Nightclubs - DC Clubbing

Guys to Avoid at Nightclubs

Nightclubs attract all types of creepy people, but no more than a Starbucks or a Wal-Mart and we still seem to frequent those places without a rape whistle, so don’t let the freaks ruin your night. For every guy you should avoid in a nightclub, there is an equally crazy girl you should definitely run away from screaming. But, let’s be fair and for once forget the whole ‘ladies first’ thing and run down the list of the guys every girl, or guy liking guy should avoid in the nightclub scene. We’ve all seen them at the club, or woke up underneath one or more of these weirdos, but for the sake of the new generation let’s review.

 

The Intern

Guys to Avoid in Nightclubs

Though dating an intern is never desirable- think, interns make little to no money so be prepared to go Dutch on drinks or even pay for the whole evening all together. So unless you are prepared to wake up the next day at his studio he shares with four roommates and foot the bill for Chinese take out, avoid this.

 

The Trust Fund Baby

Guys to Avoid in Nightclubs

On the surface, trust fund babies sound great- they have a bank account full of cash that they can use buying tables at all the hottest clubs and buying you unlimited amounts of clubbing attire, just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, right?!?! Not exactly, think of dating a trust fund baby, and his Mommy and Daddy, which 99% of the time have him on a short leash, not a threesome you want to get mixed up with.

 

The Sleazy Promoter

Guys to Avoid in Nightclubs

Every club has a crew of promoters who’s job it is to fill the club every night with hot girls and big spenders. Some are totally legit businessmen, but others are sleazy wanna-be’s who may even lie and say they are the manager or owner, when most likely they are passing out flyers at the nail salon hoping to get into your pants with the shallow promise of a free Amaretto Sour on Ladies Night.

 

The Wanna Be DJ

 Guys to Avoid in Nightclubs

The ‘wanna-be’ DJ type probably has a MySpace page and is on Sound Cloud and once played at his little brother’s Bar Mitzvah at the Jewish Community Center using his iPod. He’ll probably tell you he played with some major DJ’s when in reality he probably means he replays that DJ’s song for his friends in his mom’s basement.

 

The Jet Setter

Guys to Avoid in Nightclubs

There’s always some loser wearing an ascot, claiming he drives a Bentley and jet sets to Monte Carlo on his G6 and hangs with celebrities. This usually translates to Honda Civic, Futon, and Greyhound.

 

The Hair Stylist

Guys to Avoid in Nightclubs

Stay away from the guy who comes up to you at the bar and without warning runs his fingers through your hair, tells you he’d love to style your hair and he works at blah blah blah salon. He’s likely going through an experimental phase with women, which will leave you hollow, or with a new trendy mullet.

 

The Crack Head

 Guys to Avoid in Nightclubs

If he wears sunglasses at night, and says ‘do you party’ or his first technical date invitation is to the club’s bathrooms, run away, and fast. He’s probably racked up a few charges, his phone may already be tapped and you’re after party will be more of a ‘working’ night for him.

 

The Meat Head

 Guys to Avoid in Nightclubs

Tip- he’s the muscle head beefy guy with the XS Ed Hardy or Affliction t-shirt on drinking the sugar free Red Bull, or the Skinny Girl Margarita. These types are too agro, tan and weight conscious, it’s like dating a teenage girl with an eating disorder. You’ll spend the night discussing the caloric intake of a Bacardi and Diet and if you make it to Date Night #1 you’re in for a meal of boiled chicken breast or a lifetime of canned tuna fish.

 

The Creepy Old Man

 Guys to Avoid in Nightclubs

There comes a point in time when you leave your clubbing days behind, but some old dirty bastards apparently didn’t get the memo. Old man river will either show up at the club with a VIP table, escorting 8 young girls who could be his grand daughters, or show up in a pleated pair of khakis, standing in the corner alone with his hands in his pockets. Avoid both.

 

The Loner

 Guys to Avoid in Nightclubs

You may initially feel sorry for the loner. He’s standing bewildered in the midst of neon nights and lasers all alone like a baby lamb. Be afraid, be very afraid, because these types will be the ones to bomb the local movie theater or bring you back to their dungeon and tie you up with a ball gag and chains for ten years. Remember, there’s usually a reason someone’s alone at a club and it’s starts with psycho and ends with path.

 

For this week’s nightclubs events in DC, and for where you can avoid all these types of guys, check the Best Parties in DC.