Horrible Ways to Break Up With a Girl: The Break Up Guide for Guys

By Ravi in Get in Style
Tuesday, January 17, 2012, 4:26pm. (Updated: 1/25/12 at 3:22pm) Add comments

The Break Up Guide for Guys

Washington DC sex scandals have provided some great blueprints for the best way to break up with your girlfriend. Case and point: Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton (but she stayed), Newt Gingrich, Bob Packwood (what a name!) and more. We’ve watched carefully, taken notes and found the best methods to provide girls in DC with more single guys.

Get Wasted and Go From There

Best way to break up with a girlYeah, we just used a picture of Big Ben.

Just get tanked and let go. Starting a fight at the bar would probably embarrass and piss her off, but you might get beat up and thrown in jail. Not recommended.

It’s probably safer to get wasted, say some really effed up things and then leave her stranded somewhere. Or you could just hook up with some random chicks… or one of her friends. That’d probably do it.

Be Nice – Lie

how to break up with your girlfriendThe truth hurts, so just lie. You probably do it all the time anyway. Just make sure it sounds good, but not too good.

• I think we need a break
• I love you, I just need some space for a bit, we’ll be back together soon.
• My mom/dad is really sick and I just can’t give you the attention you deserve right now.

Then just let it fade into darkness.

Be a Dick – Tell the Truth

breaking up with girlsYou definitely might get hit, but hey, she’s the one who wants you to be honest with her.

• I just want to be friends
• I’ve found someone else
• I can’t stand the sound of your voice
• I no longer find you attractive

There’s probably a really nice way to say how you feel – so maybe tell the truth in a nice way or something (ie lie).

Start a Fight, Then Ignore Her

best ways to break up with a girlFor all intents and purposes, this is the most f***ed up way to break up with a girl. You sure as sh*t better hope she’s not a psycho or you’re screwed.

Start a fight and wait for her to say something really messed up. It has to be close to unforgivable. Then blow up and tell her it’s over. You can’t believe she’d stoop that low. Tell her to go to hell and that’s that.

You’ll have to ignore any and all attempts by her to apologize. And you better pray she doesn’t start showing up at your work or home. Just make sure you don’t give in to the temptation of make up sex.

Take Her to a Nice Steak Dinner

And never call her again! Honestly, this could be the best way to break up if you want to remain friends or if you really do care.

Take her to dinner or have dinner together at home. Delicately bring up your issues. Be nice, be honest, be warm but firm (that’s what she said). At the end of your talk softly say that for those reasons you don’t think you can be together anymore. If you’re at home she’ll cry and you should console her. If you’re in public she may cry and you should probably run to avoid embarrassment.

Here’s a tip – pick up the check before you start the break-up. And maybe have a cab waiting or the valet ready.

Air It Out on Facebook

how to break up with your girlfriend No need to post a rant on her wall. That just makes you look bad.

Simply change your status and wait for the fallout. You don’t even need to talk to her. But you will most likely have to block her cause the fallout ain’t gonna be pretty.

Send a Letter

best ways to break up with your girlfriendYou could write a heartfelt letter or you could draw a picture of you riding a giraffe.

In all seriousness, if you don’t have the balls to break up with her in person or follow one of the schemes we’ve already discussed, then you kinda deserve to be whipped.

And if you can’t even take the time to hand write a letter and you just send an email – then you’re just plain lazy.

Ask Her to Go Above and Beyond

best way to get rid of your girlfriendBe careful, cause this could seriously backfire.

Ask her to move in with you. Ask her to marry you. When she says no tell her that if she can’t commit then you can’t be together.

This is reeeaaally risky for obvious reasons.

Disclaimer

We’re not necessarily telling you to actually do this stuff, then again, we know people who have. In all seriousness, you should probably be nice about breaking up. Karma is a b*tch, then again, she might be too.

7 Responses to “Horrible Ways to Break Up With a Girl: The Break Up Guide for Guys”

  1. Veronicav says:

    I enjoyed reading this article and, on the lighter side, I thought I
    might share with you a break-up story of my own that you may find
    humorous. I’m a bit embarrassed about this, but cut me a little
    slack, this happened 20+ years ago, and I was an emotional, young
    college girl at the time (an English Lit/Drama major
    no less). I had been romantically involved with this guy for about six
    months and it seemed to me that we just couldn’t take things to the
    next level and it would be in both of our interests to move on. So one
    day, I decided to have a heart to heart chat with him, going to great
    lengths to be sensitive to his feelings, and getting a little
    emotional in the process of saying it was time to end things. His
    response? Well, very casual, dry (he was an engineering major, go
    figure) and hmmm, maybe even a little cheerful. He said with a smile,
    “yeah, you’re right, it’s probably the best thing.” Well, I was
    stunned by his lack of disappointment and asked if that was all he had
    to say. He again replied casually, “yeah, I think that’s about it.” I
    had invested the past six months of my life with this guy and he didnt
    seem to be the least bit upset that I was breaking up with him?! What
    a blow to my self-esteem and that was more than I could take. I stood
    up from the bench we were sitting on in the heart of the campus quad,
    gently lifted his chin (by the look on his face, he may have been
    expecting a good bye kiss) and then SMACK — he got a hearty slap,
    right across the face. Of course I stormed off in a huff, a complete,
    emotional wreck, while he sat there, rather disoriented, nursing a red
    cheek 😉

    Later on, I talked about it with a few of my sorority sisters and of
    course got hugged, consoled, etc. Then one of my sisters said
    something like “so wait a minute….you broke up with him and then
    slapped him?”. It then occurred to me how ridiculous the scenario was!
    Laughter ensued along with lots of good-natured teasing from my
    friends.

    The story doesn’t end there. A few days later, he sent me flowers and
    an apology card. I’m not sure if the poor guy even knew what he was
    apologizing for! 😉

  2. Johnny says:

    Yeah funny how I found this page, my gf broke up with me a week ago in a pretty fucked up way so im sitting here confused and funny enough I type in most fucked up way to break up with someone on google.. Sure enough your paragraph start a fight then ignore hit the nail right on the head with what she did to me only she managed to throw in a few extra fucked up variables to make everything more difficult to get over.. I agree that it is the most fucked up way cuz it leaves you with too many
    Unanswered questions thatl eat at your pride and sometimes make you swallow your dignity and say some anx do anything wether stupid or not cuz u want those questions answered.. this page helped me alot and gave me an idea of what those answers might be, now I can stop looking like a jackass

  3. […] great! They make the world go round and put a smile on our faces. Want to end your relationship? You can use any of these techniques or simply get her one of […]

  4. […] It’s not worth the stress, hassle and bad vibes. Make concessions if you must, or fuck it, start a fight and never talk to them again. Your […]

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