How to Break Up with a Guy: The Break Up Guide for Girls

By Peach in Get in Style
Wednesday, January 11, 2012, 2:18pm. (Updated: 10/24/13 at 4:17pm) Add comments

The Break Up Guide for Girls

“Breaking up is never easy,” that’s what ‘they’ say, but it can be.  Just like Paul Simon said in his 1975 hit (later remixed by Kid Cudi) “There must be fifty ways to leave your lover”.  Here are a few to get you started on the road to freedom!

Rip It Off

Just like a Band-Aid. Prolonging the situation only makes it worse. Tell him, simply, kindly, but firmly. Dragging the relationship out only makes it worse. You wouldn’t want a guy to waste your time, so don’t waste his.

Don’t Make a Big Production

Skip the blame game. It’s over, who cares who did what. Keep it short. “It’s not working out. Peace!” Then delete his number so you are not tempted to go on a month-long texting rant with him.

Don’t Make Up An Elaborate Story

Saying you are moving to Yemin or your grandmother is dying only makes life more complicated.  Cut to the chase, tell him you don’t like his soul patch or the way he leaves the toilet seat up (total deal breakers), no need to beat around the bush.

Just…Give Up

Too much of a wimp to pull the cord on this relationship? Drive him away with your bad habits. Skip a shower, or ten. Start working on those dreadlocks. Ditch the razor. Don your Snuggie and Uggs (in public). Let your gas seep and your teeth rot.  Pee standing up. It’s only a matter of time before he runs for the hills.

Go Greyhound

Some guys just don’t get it. Maybe it’s time to take that trip to Cabo.  Or maybe it’s time to move, period. Who knows what kind of psycho you were dating.  For the hard cases, if it’s just not sinking into his thick skull, there is no time like the present to flee to Mexico, dye your hair and claim a new identity!

The Classic Break-up

Using the old standby lines “It’s me, it’s not you”, “I need to focus on me now.” Those are classic lines and if you don’t care about this guy at all, go for it.  The problem may arise when he thinks that when you are done ‘focusing on you’ you will come back to him.

Get Your Sh*t and Go!

If you live together, or have an oh-so-generous drawer at his place, get your things backs prior to the break-up.  Make sure to line up new living arrangements if you live together or slowly take your things back to your place. This will avoid never getting that ‘Duran Duran Greatest Hits’ album back or being homeless.  If he has a drawer at your place, place his belonging in a locker at a bowling alley or bus terminal and bring the key as a parting gift.

Bring Friends

Dating insurance! Make plans with a friend prior to the big sit down.  This way you can break the news and get on with your night so he can’t lure you into an emotional boo-hoo never ending breakup conversation. Bring ‘em too! There’s always strength in numbers!

Send a Tweet!

So it’s not the most politically correct way to dump a guy, but maybe you don’t really care about them, or maybe they are a crybaby, or a jerk.  If you just don’t care, shoot a text, email, or tweet.

Go Public

Make a break-up date and stick to it. Go to lunch or for coffee and drop the hammer. Guys will be less inclined to cry or make a scene in public during the daytime.  Then you can check that break-up off your to-do list and get on to the next victim…or boyfriend.

Whore-it-up!

A sure-fire way to lose a guy- sleep with his best friend! You will be on the receiving end on this one, but it will take the burden off of being the dumpee while getting some of your own action between the sheets.

Perhaps Nada Surf said it best “Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected. Even if you’ve gone together for only a short time, and haven’t been too serious, there’s still a feeling of rejection when someone says she prefers the company of others to your exclusive company.  But if you’re honest, and direct, and avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you break the news, the boy will respect you for your frankness, and honestly he’ll appreciate the kind of straight forward manner in which you told him your decision.  Unless he’s a real jerk or a cry baby you’ll remain friends!”

 

4 Responses to “How to Break Up with a Guy: The Break Up Guide for Girls”

  1. Concerned Reader says:

    The person who wrote this piece must be extremely shallow.

  2. Peach says:

    I’m as shallow as a puddle!

  3. Veronica says:

    I enjoyed reading this article and, on the lighter side, I thought I might share with you a break-up story of my own that you may find humorous. I’m a bit embarrassed about this, but cut me a little slack, this happened 20+ years ago, and I was an emotional, young college girl at the time (an English Lit/Drama major no less). I had been romantically involved with this guy for about six months and it seemed to me that we just couldn’t take things to the next level and it would be in both of our interests to move on. So one day, I decided to have a heart to heart chat with him, going to great lengths to be sensitive to his feelings, and getting a little emotional in the process of saying it was time to end things. His response? Well, very casual, dry (he was an engineering major, go figure) and hmmm, maybe even a little cheerful. He said with a smile, “yeah, you’re right, it’s probably the best thing.” Well, I was stunned by his lack of disappointment and asked if that was all he had to say. He again replied casually, “yeah, I think that’s about it.” I had invested the past six months of my life with this guy and he didnt seem to be the least bit upset that I was breaking up with him?! What a blow to my self-esteem and that was more than I could take. I stood up from the bench we were sitting on in the heart of the campus quad, gently lifted his chin (by the look on his face, he may have been expecting a good bye kiss) and then SMACK — he got a hearty slap, right across the face. Of course I stormed off in a huff, a complete, emotional wreck, while he sat there, rather disoriented, nursing a red cheek ;)

    Later on, I talked about it with a few of my sorority sisters and of course got hugged, consoled, etc. Then one of my sisters said something like “so wait a minute….you broke up with him and then slapped him?”. It then occurred to me how ridiculous the scenario was! Laughter ensued along with lots of good-natured teasing from my friends.

    The story doesn’t end there. A few days later, he sent me flowers and an apology card. I’m not sure if the poor guy even knew what he was apologizing for! ;-)

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