Hurricane Sandy Survival Guide: 10 Things Not to Leave Home Without

By Ravi in Get in Style, Lifestyle
Monday, October 29, 2012, 12:44pm. (Updated: 10/29/12 at 12:49pm) Add comments

looters will be shot window

Stocking up on food, water and paper goods is for rookies.
What you need to be worried about is marking your territory for the new, post-apocalyptic society which you’ll be a part of. Your bottled water and spaghetti won’t help when the mole people come out. Below are things you’ll actually need to survive the east coast’s worst hurricane in 100 years.

1. Wooden Plank and Paddle
 
bangkok rivers
Or in the case of Bangkok residents, a rice bucket and a broom. In a hurricane scenario, this will be your best source of transportation for the looting/pillaging spree.

2. Crossbow (traditional or pistol)
 
guy shooting crossbow

No matter what type of crossbow you decide on, there’s no doubt this is the most bad ass way to protect yourself during post-disaster, dog eat dog survival games. That or a rusty knife.

3. Bandages and/or Rags
 
hand bandage wrap
You can’t go breaking into places with your bare hands. Just wrap some rags around them and then smash the windows.

4. Lighter and Fluid
 
a zippo and lighter fluid
Fire is good for all types of shit in a disaster-stricken world: cooking rats, burning buildings, lighting the way to your new sewer dwelling, building fires to dance around while chanting to your new Gods. Ya know, the usual.

5. Skewers
 
trash can fire
You can’t just hold your rat meat over the trash can fire. You need something to stick it on.

6. Copy of Waterworld
 
waterworld movie
This is your new bible. Watch it. Learn from Kevin Costner.

7. A Human Sacrifice
 
ancient human sacrifice
Because your new Water Gods demand it.

8. War Paint and Battle Cry
 
war paint braveheart
There will be many clans vying for the same food, shelter and sexual conquests as you. Proper battle tactics are essential.

9. Poison w/ Antidote
 
poison antidote
This is super important. You can poison people and then extort them for whatever you want in return for a drop of antidote.

10. Women

 
women on the bachelor
You HAVE seen The Bachelor, right???

Now go forth children, and loot, burn and pillage what was once a community of sound infrastructure, intelligent minds and justice. Cause none of that matters when it gets windy and rains a lot.
looting a clothing store

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