Halloween Ain’t Got Sh*t On This:
1. Positive Pregnancy Test
Congratulations, instead of spending 4-years at college you can get a job right now with MTV.
The princess of Poughkeepsie. She loves pickles, bowling and wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up. Fun fact – she asked The Situation to f*** her in the a******.
3. 60 y/o’s that look 40 and 16 y/o’s that Look 20
To be honest though, a 60 y/o that looks 40 would be a great notch on anyone’s cougar belt. But that 20 y/o chick who turns out to be 16… she’s a notch on your registered sex offender profile.
4. Seeing Your Daughter on Champagne Facials
“One day my daughter will drop to her knees, open wide and get a mouth full of bubbly.” Every father’s dream when he sees his newborn baby girl. Kirill, you are a genius.
When local bands make it…
6. Christwire.org’s Coverage of Bath Salts
Apparently, according to christwire.org, bath salts will make you gay, worship the devil, are an “ethnic” problem, were made popular by “Skrillex and her evil flock,” and were created by the Obama administration. Thanks for that.
7. That Awkward Moment
When you realize the girl you’ve been grinding on for the last 20 minutes is your sister.
8. Flashing Red & Blue Lights
Of course, if you’ve done nothing wrong you have nothing to worry about. Chris Rock has some great tips.
9. When the Lights Come Up & The Goggles Come Off
Ever wake up and realize the girl you brought home was wearing a pound of make up… and now it’s gone? Ever confuse Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley?
10. Jocelyn Wildenstein
She tried to look like a cat on purpose. True story. She dated a Swiss movie producer, a French filmmaker and was introduced to her ex-husband by a Saudi arms dealer. She’s a skilled hunter and pilot. She’s kinda like the female version of the world’s most interesting man. She got $2.5B in a divorce settlement + $100M/year for 13 years. Here’s the wikipedia.