The Worst Ways to Order a Drink
Bartending, one of the great social professions and also one of the quickest ways to become jaded and bitter. But, just like there are bad customers, there are bad bartenders. So, here are some pitfalls when ordering a drink to lesser the gap between bartender and guest and make DC Nightlife chock full of rainbows and butterflies for all involved! The bonus: Save your bartender a trip to an insane asylum and maybe score yourself a free drink!
Ants in the Pants:
Snapping your fingers
It only pegs you as annoying and aggressive. No bartender is singling you out to be ignored, but these animalistic gestures will.
Seriously, can’t it wait until you pay and make room for the next guest?
Get a room!
No one wants to see that.
The Cell Phone:
Coming up to the bar mid call is annoying!
If your call is so important, then finish up and allow other guests to be served.
Extra scorn points for wearing a Bluetooth earpiece!
The No Ice’er:
“I want more alcohol, but won’t spend the money on it!”
Drinks have the same amount of alcohol regardless of the quantity of ice. Yet, ‘no-icers’ always follow-up with a:
“This tastes weak!”
Yes, since you have more mixer…think about it.
The Disappearing Act:
Turning around to dance with your friends
Going to the bathroom
Using the ATM
Come to the bar prepared, stay put and be ready to pay.
Assuming your bartender knows all your picky details without telling them. Unless you tell them PRIOR to ordering the bartender won’t know you like top shelf, less ice, lemon not lime, a tall glass and a partridge in a pear tree.
Give your server a break and have all your picky details ready when you order. Don’t wait until the short glass is filled with ice, the liquor is poured and the lime is squeezed to get particular. You can have it your way. Just ask up front!
If you order “a cranberry juice and a vodka” you’ll receive two drinks: a glass of cranberry juice and one of vodka.
If you order “vodka and cranberry,” you’ll get one glass containing both.
Because just saying “whatever if fine” is like throwing a blind person in the middle of the woods.
A good bartender will make suggestions, and probably introduce you to your next favorite drink, if you give them a direction to go towards.
Yes, this happens.
You will get thrown out.
Try it at a bank, ask the teller, “Hey would you mind topping my paycheck off with an extra $100?” See how that works!
The Drink Book:
Shots like a brain hemorrhage, an alien secretion, a Puerto Rican prostitute, or a urine sample, slow the flow of the bar down. The drinks usually taste horrible; cost more than you want to spend, and make you look like this is your first time at the rodeo.
A comped drink is nice, but much less so if you come to expect it.
After all, what did you get the bartender for their birthday?
“I used to be a bartender!”
Is it a wave of solidarity?
Is it a judgey stab at the way the bartender is making the drink?
Are you now a Congressman too good to be a bartender?
Usually it’s meant to get stronger, cheaper, faster drinks, which never goes over well with the staff.
First, you order two beers for Bob and Sally.
Once the bartender has brought you those, you order Becky’s martini.
Once that’s in hand, you ask for a vodka and Sprite.
And so on. You’ve just nickel-and-dimed the bartender. Try this technique at a fast food restaurant- it would never fly. However, people like to spread out an order with the assumption that the bartender has amnesia.
It sounds ridiculous to the bartender, and you will immediately be asked what kind of beer you want.
This just slows down the whole process, and angers thirsty guests waiting in line.
“What is the cheapest drink you have? Do you have any specials? How much is a beer? What about Grey Goose? How much is a vodka and soda? How much is a kamikazee?”
And then walks away…
For those who want an added dose of humor, check out “The Bartender Hates You” on YouTube, it’s a comical look through the eyes of a disgruntled bartender. Try to keep in mind it’s just for a laugh!Tweet